What if I don’t want to live? 

It’s a fact that we’re all born, but do we all want to live a life under the terms society have implanted? I’m not talking about an existential issue but about the looks others throw to the ones that have committed suicide or are about to do it.

If one dies killing himself, automatically he’s  taken as a mentally ill person when it’s not necessarily. It’s pretty clear that the dead won’t come to live to explain the reasons why he chose not to live if he hadn’t explain it before, while living. There are more than a billion reasons to think and be sure of own thoughts that others can’t asume, and even worse, won’t be able to understand. What’s inside us will stay there and won’t change, but what will, is the appearance outside the inside. I know it’s a bit tricky at first to understand this but it simply means that people don’t change, only does the surface, what we all can see.

With this little explanation I’d like to point out a very singular thing, living is not only about feelings and experiences but also about feeling like living, breathing, moving, interacting, being side by side with your dear, and not that dear, ones,… Even if you can’t believe it, there are lots of people just like you, like me, looking forward to put a full stop to their lives without bothering anyone, without being a burden, without being pointed as a sufferer.

We hadn’t choose to live. Its great that most of us decided to make our way through life, and it’s even greater that there are braves enough in the world to say NO to life. We have to respect this decision. 

But remember, sadly, life is the only thing in life, live yours and don’t judge, influence, live or whatever in others (Sure, I mean if there’s a confrontation whether to live or not around you, we need from others to build ourselves, its a strange chain, anyway).

I wrote this because recently I’ve read about a girl who committed suicide because someone told her to do it because she is all alone.

Feel free to express your view 😊

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The liar heart.

When it comes to love you never know a thing because each time it’s felt, each time it’s different.
It all starts with butterflies in the stomach. Then, little by little that feeling becomes stronger. What’s more, it’s strength rise so quickly that you don’t even notice when the hell that person has become part of you.
But the point is that sometimes you get confused with your feelings and with his. That awkward moment when you don’t know anything and just want to run and hide but at the same time you want to stay next to him without saying a thing. That’s the moment when the heart is telling you more than what you can perceived.
On the one hand, it is shouting

Don’t let him go! We can be together! I need you!

While, on the other, it says

I don’t need you, I’m better of alone! You could go through hell that I wouldn’t care!

Most of the times, when we meet someone and we like each other, there’s the feeling of fear. We tend to think that we cannot take what we’ve found, and, what we’ve found is the company of somebody that really cares about us. So, the roll of the heart is contradicting and creates the confusion in our minds.
I know it is hard to end the war between the heart and the mind. It’s like a mini revolution has begun inside you and is willing to make the wrong decision just to end it.
Finally you take the wrong decision to shut up your mind but then you realise you’ve been guileless.
They told me

Listen to your heart, it knows the answers to all your questions.

And it’s true, it knows what I want, what I need and what I love, but it also knows what drives me crazy, what are my fears and my lacks. That’s why sometimes I cannot trust in my heart.
All in all, don’t try to be brave by disguising your feelings. Life’s too short just to do what you’re told, so take some risks from time to time and think less. Hopefully I’ll do that.

Do we have the course?

Walk, run, jump, swim, what do they all have in common?
Some would say they are just verbs, others may brand it of mere actions.

There’s no doubt that both hypothesis are right, but don’t you realize they are linked in one more way?
They all mean movement, in fact, free movement. Each step, each leap, each wing beat, each stroke, each of them signify progress, but of course, it depends on the direction.
Some days ago, a friend of mine told me that his life has just lost all its sense. He cannot do what he really wants and instead, he is forced to do what his parents wants without keeping in mind his opinion nor his future. Also, he has a huge controversial with society.
Human being has always had the necessity of living in groups what brings within some rules that we have to accept just because we were born human.
So the problem is this: This guy wants to live under his own laws.
How very true it is that if it hadn’t been because of some laws, I would not need to define my future now. It is difficult to make such a decision when you have not seen all the options, because to see them, you have to experienced them, and life is not long enough to see it all nor we are old enough to get touched by such different things.

It is a fact that not all families guide their children, the reasons? I do not know, they might be billions of different cases. But I do know that a person is grown in an atmosphere where his abilities are defined, and so it is some sort of decisions that has been delimited his options.
But never mind, because we, humans, are natural-born explorers, what means that if it is the case, our curiosity may lead us to our destiny.
Apart from this, there is the problem of money. It is necessary to live, to satisfy basics needs. Food, water, a roof… It all have a price.
I understand it when people say that we need no money to find happiness. Feelings, such as love, are priceless. But it all does not matter if you are not alive. I have no doubt that it is true to find eternal happiness without a coin. You must be dead. So, you would not feel a thing.
Seeing this situation, I have decided to help my friend. I do not pretend to change the society for him, neither touch it. I am only going to help him find out a way to feel good with himself in this messy world. Help him find a new course.
Who had never wished to have Jack Sparrow’s compass? Unluckily there is no instrument that indicates where our happy ending is, or some kind of instructions to follow, so we get it.

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The truth of the matter is that, people themselves are that coveted compass, or the manual. When we come across a confusing period is like the moment when the compass is looking for the north. The positive aspect is that it always finds what it is looking for, and so we do.
It is curious that to achieve this aim, ship’s compass spin around and even if it has already crossed a few times the north it is like it had not seen it. There is always a determined time for finding.

I do not know if you have ever heard that life is a constant losing-finding situation where nothing is certain but neither uncertain. I guess it is this way because at least we know we are someone. It is not a question about knowing ourselves, I do believe we do not get to know ourselves until the end of our days, when we would be able to look back and see who we are because we did things in our way. So, it is a question of existence rather than essence. We are physically taking up a place in space.

So, the situation is this: Humans’ lives are exactly the same as ship’s compass. We spin around until we find everything, not just the north (we already know its location).

No matter how far or how close you are from your destiny, the thing is to keep on moving. Remember, a way is made by feet. In that case you will end up finding what you were looking for and maybe something else. who knows what future holds?

For the first time

Hey there,
This is the first time I try out writing a blog. It all begun a couple of months ago when I had an idea on my mind. It was just a story, a weird one about a misterious murder. Anyway, that day I realized how much I like making myself expressed by words and since I like making some researches I just wanted to public my new “knowledge”.
Having said that, I just want to add one thing. This blog is going to be random, maybe I’ll post something I find interesting as a social topic or just a personal one, and perhaps I’ll post something to do with stories such as tales, myths (I really love them), legends or even my own stories.
Hope you enjoy it 🙂

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