What if I don’t want to live? 

It’s a fact that we’re all born, but do we all want to live a life under the terms society have implanted? I’m not talking about an existential issue but about the looks others throw to the ones that have committed suicide or are about to do it.

If one dies killing himself, automatically he’s  taken as a mentally ill person when it’s not necessarily. It’s pretty clear that the dead won’t come to live to explain the reasons why he chose not to live if he hadn’t explain it before, while living. There are more than a billion reasons to think and be sure of own thoughts that others can’t asume, and even worse, won’t be able to understand. What’s inside us will stay there and won’t change, but what will, is the appearance outside the inside. I know it’s a bit tricky at first to understand this but it simply means that people don’t change, only does the surface, what we all can see.

With this little explanation I’d like to point out a very singular thing, living is not only about feelings and experiences but also about feeling like living, breathing, moving, interacting, being side by side with your dear, and not that dear, ones,… Even if you can’t believe it, there are lots of people just like you, like me, looking forward to put a full stop to their lives without bothering anyone, without being a burden, without being pointed as a sufferer.

We hadn’t choose to live. Its great that most of us decided to make our way through life, and it’s even greater that there are braves enough in the world to say NO to life. We have to respect this decision. 

But remember, sadly, life is the only thing in life, live yours and don’t judge, influence, live or whatever in others (Sure, I mean if there’s a confrontation whether to live or not around you, we need from others to build ourselves, its a strange chain, anyway).

I wrote this because recently I’ve read about a girl who committed suicide because someone told her to do it because she is all alone.

Feel free to express your view 😊

Union

Can you see them?

The stars are shining brighter tonight,

never noticed before the way they stand up there.

Can you feel them?

Lighting every step you take,

even though when the sun is in between.

Can you touch them?

Apparently distance is an obstacle,

but is it really?

They are,

you are.

It is not impossible to get pieced together.

The liar heart.

When it comes to love you never know a thing because each time it’s felt, each time it’s different.
It all starts with butterflies in the stomach. Then, little by little that feeling becomes stronger. What’s more, it’s strength rise so quickly that you don’t even notice when the hell that person has become part of you.
But the point is that sometimes you get confused with your feelings and with his. That awkward moment when you don’t know anything and just want to run and hide but at the same time you want to stay next to him without saying a thing. That’s the moment when the heart is telling you more than what you can perceived.
On the one hand, it is shouting

Don’t let him go! We can be together! I need you!

While, on the other, it says

I don’t need you, I’m better of alone! You could go through hell that I wouldn’t care!

Most of the times, when we meet someone and we like each other, there’s the feeling of fear. We tend to think that we cannot take what we’ve found, and, what we’ve found is the company of somebody that really cares about us. So, the roll of the heart is contradicting and creates the confusion in our minds.
I know it is hard to end the war between the heart and the mind. It’s like a mini revolution has begun inside you and is willing to make the wrong decision just to end it.
Finally you take the wrong decision to shut up your mind but then you realise you’ve been guileless.
They told me

Listen to your heart, it knows the answers to all your questions.

And it’s true, it knows what I want, what I need and what I love, but it also knows what drives me crazy, what are my fears and my lacks. That’s why sometimes I cannot trust in my heart.
All in all, don’t try to be brave by disguising your feelings. Life’s too short just to do what you’re told, so take some risks from time to time and think less. Hopefully I’ll do that.

Do we have the course?

Walk, run, jump, swim, what do they all have in common?
Some would say they are just verbs, others may brand it of mere actions.

There’s no doubt that both hypothesis are right, but don’t you realize they are linked in one more way?
They all mean movement, in fact, free movement. Each step, each leap, each wing beat, each stroke, each of them signify progress, but of course, it depends on the direction.
Some days ago, a friend of mine told me that his life has just lost all its sense. He cannot do what he really wants and instead, he is forced to do what his parents wants without keeping in mind his opinion nor his future. Also, he has a huge controversial with society.
Human being has always had the necessity of living in groups what brings within some rules that we have to accept just because we were born human.
So the problem is this: This guy wants to live under his own laws.
How very true it is that if it hadn’t been because of some laws, I would not need to define my future now. It is difficult to make such a decision when you have not seen all the options, because to see them, you have to experienced them, and life is not long enough to see it all nor we are old enough to get touched by such different things.

It is a fact that not all families guide their children, the reasons? I do not know, they might be billions of different cases. But I do know that a person is grown in an atmosphere where his abilities are defined, and so it is some sort of decisions that has been delimited his options.
But never mind, because we, humans, are natural-born explorers, what means that if it is the case, our curiosity may lead us to our destiny.
Apart from this, there is the problem of money. It is necessary to live, to satisfy basics needs. Food, water, a roof… It all have a price.
I understand it when people say that we need no money to find happiness. Feelings, such as love, are priceless. But it all does not matter if you are not alive. I have no doubt that it is true to find eternal happiness without a coin. You must be dead. So, you would not feel a thing.
Seeing this situation, I have decided to help my friend. I do not pretend to change the society for him, neither touch it. I am only going to help him find out a way to feel good with himself in this messy world. Help him find a new course.
Who had never wished to have Jack Sparrow’s compass? Unluckily there is no instrument that indicates where our happy ending is, or some kind of instructions to follow, so we get it.

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The truth of the matter is that, people themselves are that coveted compass, or the manual. When we come across a confusing period is like the moment when the compass is looking for the north. The positive aspect is that it always finds what it is looking for, and so we do.
It is curious that to achieve this aim, ship’s compass spin around and even if it has already crossed a few times the north it is like it had not seen it. There is always a determined time for finding.

I do not know if you have ever heard that life is a constant losing-finding situation where nothing is certain but neither uncertain. I guess it is this way because at least we know we are someone. It is not a question about knowing ourselves, I do believe we do not get to know ourselves until the end of our days, when we would be able to look back and see who we are because we did things in our way. So, it is a question of existence rather than essence. We are physically taking up a place in space.

So, the situation is this: Humans’ lives are exactly the same as ship’s compass. We spin around until we find everything, not just the north (we already know its location).

No matter how far or how close you are from your destiny, the thing is to keep on moving. Remember, a way is made by feet. In that case you will end up finding what you were looking for and maybe something else. who knows what future holds?

A new beginning

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Once upon a time, like every appreciated story begins, there was an anxious girl called Helen. I say anxious because this girl had the particular characteristic of being in constantly movement, she spoke very fast and she also doubted about everything.
The thing is that one day she woke up thinking about herself, how she was and how she wanted to be. Those are questions that everyone asks itself at least once in life.
The girl realised she was a kind of kid, because of her behaviour and how everyone treated her, over all her parents. At this point, she was eager to change, and so she did.
She begun the day by being positive to this situation and thinking what aspects of her she didn’t like.
At first Helen thought about asking someone about how they see her and what would they change. But that idea was wrong all the ways and she just forgot about it because if someone else take part in this change she wouldn’t be she, just a product of someone’s else ideal person. The girl needed to find out herself alone.
For example, this was one aspect of her she wasn’t going to change, she was a clearheaded girl and this couldn’t be changed unless it was for better.
The day went on as every other day. She went to school, where she payed attention to every lesson and spent a good time with her mates. Nothing changed but her way of seeing things.
Her notebook was full of new thinkings, aspirations and dreams. She felt elated and even more restless. The life she was imagining looked so good she couldn’t wait to get to it. But she didn’t think how hard is it to change when you’re so used to your life.
Next morning, Helen woke up ready to keep on her mission of finding herself. She felt confident and nervous, of course. But she hardly noticed it, she was too concentrated on showing off her new self.
At school her friends asked her what was going on with her, she looked different but nobody could tell if it was good or bad. The girl was a bit surprised about this reaction, she was sure about receiving support from her friends. But she reckoned that maybe they needed a time to get to know her better.

Things have changed, but how long it will take to get used of this new life? Will I change again? Will my mates change too? Changes really happen?

Despite they all seem to be philosophical questions, this is just a serie of questions a normal teenage set out any time.
The answer for this? Time will tell.

I wrote this story because I was all alone sitting on a bench and I didn’t have anything better to do. But I like the idea that crossed my mind, the idea of changes.
People shouldn’t be afraid of changes, they should be afraid of their reaction towards it. If something doesn’t go on the way it used to, don’t turn it down. Changes are full of chances, the ones that let us get wherever we want.

The blue butterfly’s legend

A long time ago, a man got widowed and took care of his two daughters. They both were intelligent, curious and always wanted to learn more and more.

They made all kind of questions to their father almost all the time, just to satisfy their hunger for knowing. Sometimes the man could answer wisely, but others the girls questions couldn’t be answered that easily.

Seeing this situation of continuously questioning, the man decided to send them on holidays with a sage who lived on top of a hill. He was able to answer every single question the girls could set out.

One day, the curious girls decided to make the old man a  mischievous trap in order to measure his wisdom. They thought about proposing him a question he wouldn’t be able to answer.

– How can we trick the sage? What question can we make him?

Asked the younger sister.

+ Wait here, I’ll show you now.

Said the elder one. Afterwards, she went out to the hill and come back about an hour later. She brought her apron as a kind of sac. Then she showed her little sister its inside. It contained a blue butterfly.

– It’s beautiful! What are you doing with it?

+ It’s going to be our weapon to make the trap question to the sage. We’ll look for him and I’ll hide this butterfly in my hand. So I’m going to ask him if the butterfly in my hand is alive or dead. If his answer is alive, I’ll squeeze my hand and I’ll kill it. If his answer is dead, I’ll set it free. Therefore, his answer will always be wrong.

Agreeing this proposal the two girls went to seek the sage.

+ Sage, Can you tell us if the butterfly I have in my hand is dead or alive?

The sage, wisely answered:

  • It depends on you, it is in your hands.

Our present and our future is in our hands. If something goes wrong we cannot blame anyone else but ourselves. Victories are not the only thing we are responsible of.mariposa-azul (1)

For the first time

Hey there,
This is the first time I try out writing a blog. It all begun a couple of months ago when I had an idea on my mind. It was just a story, a weird one about a misterious murder. Anyway, that day I realized how much I like making myself expressed by words and since I like making some researches I just wanted to public my new “knowledge”.
Having said that, I just want to add one thing. This blog is going to be random, maybe I’ll post something I find interesting as a social topic or just a personal one, and perhaps I’ll post something to do with stories such as tales, myths (I really love them), legends or even my own stories.
Hope you enjoy it 🙂

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